Still Into You Read online

  Jace stared at him, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Wow, man, I didn’t see that one coming. You and Lei always seem so damn happy.”

  “We are, in a lot of ways. We have a good life, great kids, we love each other. But lately it’s like we’ve become business partners instead of husband and wife.” He looked at the closed door that led to the store, praying that the answer was on the other side. “I was hoping if I spiced things up some, bought some new things to try, I could find that spark again.”

  Jace leaned fully back on the couch, his forehead wrinkled. “So how spicy are you looking to go?”

  Seth cringed a bit, remembering this was his wife’s little brother he was taking to. “Uh . . .”

  Jace smirked. “Look, I’m not going to lie. It’s a little weird offering to help you bed my sister better. Believe me. But I care about you two. Y’all took me in when the rest of my family turned their backs on me. I saw how good you were with each other and the kids. I don’t want to see that fall apart over something as simple as being bored in bed.”

  Seth smiled at that. “You’re a good guy, Jace.”

  “That’s debatable. But go ahead and pick your poison.” Jace picked his beer back up and took a sip. “Lingerie, toys, bondage gear, S&M, role-playing—how kinky are we talking?”

  The slew of possibilities was both enticing and overwhelming at the same time. He and Leila had never done anything really kinky except a one-time we-could-get-caught semi-public sex early in their relationship. He’d done his fair share of kinky stuff with girls he’d met playing in his band in college, but he’d turned that part of himself off once he’d fallen for Lei. She’d been a virgin when he’d met her, and he’d wanted to give her romance, not raunchiness. So he had no idea what she may or may not respond to. “I guess maybe we could start with—”

  A familiar sound cut him off mid-sentence, shriveling the words in his throat.

  Jace frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  Seth held up a finger, shushing Jace, and honed in on what he thought he’d heard. The radio show had come back from commercial and had taken a new caller.

  “Mary, it’s okay. Try to take a breath and start again. We’re here to help,” the doctor soothed.

  A long pause on the airwaves, and then the tear-choked voice Seth had heard the first time filled the silence. “I’m sorry. It’s just—I think I almost cheated on my husband tonight.”

  Seth’s skin turned clammy, and white noise hummed so loudly in his ears, he could barely hear Dr. Dan encouraging the caller to go on. His fingers dug into his thighs.

  “Dude, what’s wrong?” Jace asked again, scooting forward on the couch. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

  “The radio,” he whispered, the words scratching past his dry throat. “It’s Leila.”

  “.I have kids and I love my husband. So much. But he’s never home and I feel so . . . alone. I find myself wanting things I shouldn’t, wanting other people, wanting to feel really alive again. . . . ” Her voice caught for a moment, then: “I’m a horrible person.”

  “Oh, shit,” Jace said under his breath.

  Seth put his head in his hands, closing his eyes as his world tumbled down around him. His wife wanted other people. People who weren’t him.

  This wasn’t something he could fix with a new set of lingerie and some sexy videos.

  He tried not the vomit on the Turkish rug Leila had picked out for Jace’s office.

  The rest of the call was a hazy swirl of word soup. Dr. Dan prodded Leila with a few questions and then suggested couples’ counseling or something. What the fuck did it matter? Sitting in an office with some shrink wasn’t going to fix this. He and Leila had done counseling early on after the baby was born and both had agreed it’d been a big waste of time. They’d worked things out in their own way—through action, not touchy-feely talk-it-out sessions.

  At some point Jace got up and turned off the show. Then a warm hand landed on Seth’s shoulder. “Man, I’m really sorry you had to hear that.”

  Seth shook his head, wishing to God he hadn’t had to experience this in front of someone else. Knowing your wife wanted to fuck someone other than you was humiliating enough without an audience. “I should . . . I should go.”

  Jace’s hand stayed firm, keeping Seth in his seat when he tried to get up. “Hold up.”

  “No, I need to go. Obviously what I came here for would be like using a water gun on a forest fire. My wife wants out.” His whole body itched to get up and run. To where, he had no idea. Maybe into a brick wall.

  “Seth, just give me a minute here, okay?” Jace said, his tone calm. “This doesn’t have to mean the end or that it’s time to give up.”

  Seth scoffed. “Right. My wife almost slept with someone else tonight.”

  Jace sat on the edge of his desk. “But she didn’t. And she’s obviously upset about having those feelings. If she didn’t love you or care about your marriage, she would’ve done it and lied. Getting away with an affair is not that hard. People do it all the time.”

  “Oh, there’s a comforting thought.” Seth thought of all the hours he spent slaving at the restaurant, all those nights Leila could easily sneak away with a lover if she wanted to.

  “Believe me, in this business, I see a lot.” Jace crossed his arms and considered Seth. “How experienced was Leila when you two got together?”

  Seth’s mind was buzzing with a mass of half-formed thoughts and fully formed emotions. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  Jace simply waited.

  “I was her first.”

  Jace nodded. “Okay, so Leila’s been with one guy her entire life. She had to give up those experimental years because she became a wife and mother too young. I would think if she wasn’t feeling at least some temptation by now, she wouldn’t be normal.”

  “Yeah, but what am I supposed to do about that?” Seth asked, the words jagged. “I can do a lot. I can try to find some time to take off work. I can spice things up as much as she wants, but it’s still me in her bed. The same guy.”

  Jace shrugged. “What if it’s not? What if you let her have what she wants?”

  “What? You expect me to just turn my head and let her cheat?”

  Jace raised a palm to him. “Hear me out. I know my thinking tends to be a bit . . . alternative. But what if you gave each other a weekend off from monogamy?”

  Seth looked at Jace like he’d started talking Sanskrit. “Yeah, right. Why don’t I just draw up divorce papers now?”

  “No, I’m serious. I know a number of couples who do this successfully. They love each other and want to stay together, but feel trapped by the strict rules of marriage. So every now and then they go to a safe place where they can take a break and stretch the rules a bit. On the far end, that could mean totally swapping partners. On the lighter end, it could mean something like ménage.”

  “A safe place?”

  “Yeah, a place where everyone knows what’s going on, where no one is trying to steal each other’s mate, and where no one in your normal life will see you out with someone other than your spouse.”

  “Jace, look, I appreciate you trying to help, but I think I would want to maim and dismember any guy who tried to touch my wife.” A sick feeling rolled through his stomach. “And what if I did let her do something like that and she decided she didn’t want back in the marriage?”

  Jace’s sympathy was written across his features. “That is a risk. But what’s that old saying? Sometimes the only way to see if someone loves you is to set them free and see if they come back to you.”

  Seth’s throat burned with unshed tears, his worst fear laid out before him.

  If Leila had to do it all over, would she choose him again?

  He had his doubts.

  Jace blew out a breath and grabbed a business card off his desk. He scrawled something on the back and handed it to Seth. “That’s the number for a friend of mine who owns a resort w
here you and Leila could do this. There’s a big process to become a member, but I’ll call him and give him your name to let him know you’d be personal guests of mine.”

  The card seemed to singe Seth’s fingertips—like taking it was making some Faustian deal with the universe. “Jace, I really—”

  “You don’t have to use it. I won’t bring it up ever again. Whether you call or not is totally up to you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Just know it’s there if you decide you need it.”

  “Thanks for your help.” Seth stood. “But I’m not going to give up on us yet.”

  Jace nodded. “I really hope y’all can work it out, man.”

  Seth tucked the card in his pocket and headed out the door, his shoulders sagging with the weight of knowing he was going home to a wife who didn’t want him anymore.

  Chapter Four

  The house alarm beeped, announcing Seth’s arrival. Leila hurriedly splashed water on her face, trying to erase the evidence of her tears, and then turned off the lights to get into bed before he made his way upstairs.

  Seth opened the door with a soft click and padded into the room on sock-covered feet. He was always so careful of her now, always making sure to be quiet when he came in late so as not to wake her. Early on in their relationship, he’d come home and would have to nudge her awake, like he couldn’t go to sleep without talking to her about his day, without kissing her, touching her . . .

  Her throat tightened with a fresh urge to cry, but she swallowed hard and kept her eyes closed. The jostle of a belt buckle and the rustle of clothes filled the heavy darkness as Seth stripped down to his boxers. She took a deep breath, determined to put her plan into action, determined to show herself she could shut out what had happened earlier tonight.

  Seth walked to his side of the bed, pausing for what seemed like forever. She could almost feel his stare burning into her back. Was he thinking of waking her? But he blew out a long breath, and the bed dipped as he slipped beneath the sheets. Just like every other night. Two strangers sharing mattress real estate.

  He flipped around a few times, trying to find a comfortable spot, though Leila knew he’d end up on his right side with his knee draped over the edge of the bed—that’s always how he slept. She curled the sheets in her fists, building up her nerve. This was her husband. She shouldn’t be scared that he might turn her away or not be interested.

  Rallying up all the courage she had within her, she turned to face Seth’s back. He had stilled now, but his breathing wasn’t in the relaxed tempo of sleep yet. Corded muscles twitched as he adjusted his pillow, the long lines of his back beckoning her but also reminding her of another set of strong, wide shoulders she’d seen tonight. She pinched her lids shut, chastising herself. She would not think of Kade, not right now. Even though the way he had looked at her had been branded on her brain.

  Scooting closer, she laid her hand on Seth’s side. He startled for a moment, then seemed to freeze beneath her touch. She wet her lips, determined to go on. Her fingertips traced a featherlight path across his hip and onto the hard planes of his abdomen. The muscles quivered there, tightening.

  “Leila,” Seth whispered, a hint of something sad in his voice.

  “Shh,” she soothed, pressing the length of her body against his. “We don’t have to talk.”

  Her hands traveled over him, exploring, reminding herself what he felt like. She kept her forehead buried against the back of his shoulder, afraid that if he flipped over and looked at her, she’d fall apart.

  She made her way down to the waistband of his boxers, slipping her fingers beneath and feeling the coarse hair that marked the trail down his pelvis. He’d never been a hairy guy, but this narrow trail had been her favorite path to follow once upon a time. She’d kissed and licked her way up and down it many times. But now she couldn’t even remember the last time she’d gotten on her knees for him. All she could remember was the last time she imagined getting on her knees for someone else.

  Her hand traced lower, and Seth gasped as she wrapped her hand around his cock, which was already thick and heavy with arousal. A choked sound escaped him. “Lei, wait, we need to talk.”

  She bit her lip, knowing she couldn’t do as he requested. If they broke the spell of the moment with talking, she wouldn’t be able to go on. She’d burst open like a dam with everything that had happened tonight. Would tell him that on her way home she’d considered packing a suitcase for her and the kids and moving in with her parents for a while.

  “I don’t want to talk,” she whispered. “Just be quiet and let me be with you.”

  He stiffened against her, every muscle seeming to contract. “Is that because if I stay quiet enough, you can imagine I’m someone else?”

  She sucked in a sharp breath, the harsh words knocking her off balance. “What?”

  He grabbed her wrist, easing her hand from beneath his boxers, and flipped over to face her. His eyes were steely black in the silver glow of the moonlit bedroom. “I heard the radio show, Lei. I need to know—are you imagining your hand is really around his cock and not mine?”

  Her throat closed and she looked away, ashamed and devastated. He had heard. The hurt in his voice was almost too much to bear. So this was going to be it. The end of her marriage. And it was her fault. “Seth, I . . . I’m so sorry. I—”

  “Do you love me, Lei?” he asked, his tone hard.

  She looked back at him. “Of course I do. I just—”

  “Do you want a divorce?”

  Tears filled her eyes. Divorce. The word itself made her want to lean over the bed and hurl. They had a life together, a house . . . the kids. Almost a decade of memories. She thought of Myra and Preston. Imagined telling their hope-filled faces that Mommy and Daddy weren’t going to be together anymore. That sometimes love wasn’t enough, that sometimes relationships faded.

  But staying in something that was dying wasn’t going solve any problems either. She’d seen how her own parents had drifted apart. Leila had sworn to herself that she would never let herself stay in that kind of relationship. She and Seth were too young to sentence themselves to a life of empty smiles as they passed each other in the hallway.

  A vise grip wrapped around her lungs, the writing on the wall impossible to ignore. “I don’t know what to do. I love you, but we’ve lost something. You’re never here—”

  He sighed. “I have to work, Lei. You know that. I know the hours are hard, but I’m so close to getting a corporate position. If I get that promotion, we could go buy one of those farmhouses you’ve always talked about. I see all those clippings you pull from magazines. I know they’re not for your clients.”

  She shook her head, thinking of the kind of house she’d dreamed of since falling in love with interior design. A place she could renovate from the ground up, land the kids could play on, and . . . She sucked in a haggard breath. Suddenly, the image she’d always had of Seth converting space to play his music in again wouldn’t materialize. Like even in her fantasy house, her husband’s image had faded.

  Seth watched her intently. “But I’ll take some time off, okay? I have a week’s vacation I can use.”

  “I don’t know if we can fix it,” she whispered, the sad reality almost choking her. “Or get whatever it is back. This . . . us . . . feels empty. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it, too.”

  He closed his eyes, her words obviously paining him, and took a long breath. When he opened them again, the lines of his jaw had hardened. “Why were you tempted tonight? What was it about him? His money? His looks?”

  She looked down, his words stinging her.

  “Tell me.”

  She shook her head. “It was the way he looked at me, Seth. Like he wanted me. Like I was worth wanting.”

  He winced like she’d slapped him. “I still want you, Lei.”

  “No, you don’t. Not like that. Neither of us looks at each other that way anymore.”

  He took a deep breath. “Give me a weekend.”


  She swiped at the tears that had escaped down her cheeks. “Seth—”

  “Three days,” he said, propping himself up on his elbow, a resolute look gliding over his stricken features. “No work. No kids. You give me complete control over what happens with us for the next three days and let’s see what happens. After that, we can call an attorney if that’s what you want.”

  Confusion swamped her. “Three days to do what?”

  “That would be up to me and not you,” he said, his tone firmer than she’d ever heard it. “You give me the control. If you want to pull the parachute cord at any point, you say Austin and I’ll walk away.”

  She had no idea what he was planning to do, but the implication of using her maiden name as her “out” word was not lost on her. “I don’t understand.”

  He reached out and touched her damp cheek. “You don’t have to. But if there is any part of you that wants to see if there’s anything left between us worth saving, you’ll say yes.”

  The look in his big brown eyes broke her heart all over again, and for a second, she saw a glimmer of that college boy she’d fallen in love with. The one who had looked at an awkward art student as if she held life’s greatest secrets. She didn’t have much hope that they could find what they’d lost, but she owed Seth the chance to try. And she owed it to herself.

  She put her hand over the one he’d used to cup her cheek and nodded. “Okay. Three days.”

  Chapter Five

  Seth had waited until Leila fell into a fitful sleep before getting out of bed. He’d made the necessary phone call and then had spent the last few hours of the morning in Leila’s home office. Under normal circumstances, he would never rifle through her things without asking her first, but right now wasn’t a time to worry about being polite.

  He knew Leila was an avid reader, always preferring books to sitting in front of the television. And he also knew she only kept the books she loved and gave the rest away in a donation to the library a few times a year. So all he needed to do was figure out where she kept her collection of favorites.